Friday, June 24, 2011

Stupid & Stupider

Two fashionable young women on the bus, speaking to each other in cell-phone loud voices. Each one is cradling a Blackberry in her hand, just in case an important text should come in from the ether. They are discussing their store manager in the Meatpacking District who is "not smart," well, she has managerial skills, but that does not require "being smart."


welcome to Idiocratic New York

Girl 1: She's not smart. She, like, doesn't like to talk about interesting things. She just wants to talk about boys. I mean, like, she doesn't even watch television. Or go to the movies.

Girl 2: Yeah. Her brother's smart. He watches television and all that stuff.

Girl 1: [pulling strands of hair out of her head and dropping them onto the floor of the bus] But he has, like, very poor social skills.

Girl 2: [flapping her hands frantically] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Girl 1: What happened?

Girl 2 then tells a story she just remembered about running into So-and-So who is dating Such-and-Such after saying he would never. Something like that. After she tells the story, the two "besties" analyze the situation.

Girl 2: And I was like, Oh my god.

Girl 1: Oh. My. God.

Girl 2: Right? How. Weird.

Girl 1: What world is this?

Girl 2: I know. What reality is this? I was freaking out.

Girl 1: I would totally freak out.

Girl 2: He is so weird.

34 comments:

Writer Artist said...

A very similar conversation was overheard here in west Michigan.

EV Grieve said...

No, I'm freaking out.

Bowery Boogie said...

thanks for the chuckle, J. sounds like something out of the gap girls sketch on snl with spade and sandler...

Anonymous said...

Ugh. The idiotic Nasal Brigade are taking over the entire city. It's impossible to even enjoy a pleasant walk down the street without hearing one or more helium-voiced flip-floppers use the word "like" in each of their meaningless sentences. Brain-dead zombies.

Wadjet Eye said...

Honestly, I don't see what's so new here. I've been hearing conversations exactly like this all over NYC since the early 90s.

Jonathan said...

Here's what I don't get: ignoring how vapid these dolts are, how do two bimbettes afford Manhattan on retail salaries?? My wife and I are both professionals with college degrees and we can barely afford Stamford!

esquared said...

hey, still, those cupcakes and fro-yos, and mimosas got electrolytes

Jeremiah Moss said...

electrolytes! and watching TV makes you smart.

Marty Wombacher said...

@Jonathan: My guess is they afford Manhattan on Mommy and Daddy money. Great post Jeremiah.

Anonymous said...

woah. lots of dialogue on this one! really hit a common nerve. you captured it dead on - and perfect addition on the Stupid ad. - BN -

maximum bob said...

This conversation is the norm,
not the exception.

Anonymous said...

But were they hot?

Anonymous said...

I hear ya Jeremiah, but relax a little. Truth be told, I've recall witnessing the same kind of conversation on the train maybe 7 years ago, except it was with two Puerto Rican girls.

And you can't get any more "classic old New York" than two chickenhead boricuas on the A train.

Jeremiah Moss said...

i wish i heard these conversations only once every 7-10 years. seems i hear them once every 7-10 minutes. and from people with the power to drive the dominant culture.

Anonymous said...

Several years ago, I was on a crosstown bus; it was filled with these bimbettes, spewing their mindless blather. It was a special ring in Hell.

Goggla said...

If it makes you feel any better, I heard two young men on Houston the other night complaining:

Guy 1: What's with all the f-ing cupcakes?!

Guy 2: I know, right? This isn't LA!

Guy 1: These people should go back to f-ing LA!!

Before that, I'd heard three young men on Broadway complaining: "Is there anywhere to eat that isn't a friggin' BAR?!"

Jeremiah Moss said...

Goggla, thank you. hope springs eternal!

Anonymous said...

Thankfully these two are not baby mommas (yet!)
Overheard this a.m. on the Q39 to Maspeth:
20+ female speaking loudly into cell phone while dragging her little boy onto the bus. "...we all have kids by the same man...ultimately it's about the kids"

Mitch Broder said...

Say, aren't those the same two girls who answer the phone when you call anyplace?

slr said...

people are not "more" stupid. they just talk louder & have cell phones. in my universe, there would be a fine to use a cell phone & be heard, except in an emergency.

Ken Mac said...

Former 55 Bar regular Wayne Krantz wrote a song called "The Like Song." Inbetween winding guitars and hot rhythms he sings "she was like, they were like, I was like....,: then back to the music. The song you love to hate

Anonymous said...

I left NYC for a smaller city, where it's only really the college kids that talk like this. It's comforting to know that once they graduate, they'll take their delusional, superficial conversations with them- to New York, where they ALL want to live.

Anonymous said...

Once again, an example of how the city has lost its classic modes of speech. I never hear a New York accent anymore; everyone sounds like a Valley Girl, even those born and raised in Brooklyn or the Bronx. LA is now the main influence worldwide; vapid, nasal, idiotic whining, picked up from TV, is now the only American mode of speech.

Eden Bee said...

Pretty sure this was me just talking to my other personality.

onemorefoldedsunset said...

Oh the fools are everywhere whether it's the "like" girls or the drivel spouting hipsters.... I had an idiot next to me outside a coffee place today, skyping away & talking loudly about "situating myself in a landscape", whining to his friend (?) that "I know it's not just all about me ...I know other people don't see me as the center of the universe..." and about needing to celebrate "the seminal moments of my life." Wanted to smack him!

Jeremiah Moss said...

that is a good one!

L'Emmerdeur said...

How have we not replaced these people with machines yet?

slr said...

anon 3:51pm: college kids move to new york. thats where the real jobs are. duh. what would you rather have, fruit pickers??? trust me people in new york in the 60s sounded like shmucks. especially in the east village. & the west coast, the much more shmucky they were. so there, take that!

MagWildwood said...

I just saw the DVD of Whit Stillman's "Metropolitan." It was heaven to watch a movie about college freshmen who didn't punctuate every other word with "like" and who talked, mostly, about things of substance, in complete sentences. Even when being pompous or misguided about certain attitudes, they at least discussed things with their peers in an intelligent, thoughtful, coherent manner. And with courtesy and politeness. Most of the characters are from the UES; one is what would now be called Euro Trash; and the main character is from the UWS, and has no money. Yet all of these characters were well spoken.

Anonymous said...

I know that girl, we all do, it's "Tammy". From what I hear from other parts of the country she is everywhere not just our fair city.

Anonymous said...

Oh for god sake somebody shoot them.

KairosKim said...

totally.

Filmatix said...

J-Moss, et al...Isn't there something vaguely fascistic about the particular pic you posted? The stupid girl clones look like they're foot-sieg heiling. Which is perfect, since we're living through the corporate takeover of government, essentially.

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:02 : I agree that Valley/Tammy/whatever talk is awful, but, unfortunately, it's the more acceptable "accent" if you spend a lot of time in Manhattan. In the "gay ghetto" (which I know well) as well as in some of the snottier heterosexual establishments, a native New York accent has always been a no-no, an accent looked down on with contempt. (I always figured it was the natural resentment of newcomers for the natives).