Friday, July 16, 2010

Bottom of the Barrel

Why I don't like to go into any of the city's 9 million trendy new Banh Mi joints, even though I enjoy the sandwiches:


New York Magazine

Two loud young women enter a Banh Mi sandwich joint. They are talking about real estate. The alpha girl's phone rings and she answers it, freezing out her submissive friend who stands to the side, obediently mute.

Alpha Girl is apparently talking to a real estate agent. She says, "I want to be in Soho or Tribeca, more west than east, and I want at least 2 bedrooms, with a real kitchen and a real living room, for $2400 a month. No, I won't pay a penny more."



Alpha Girl hangs up and unfreezes her friend by continuing right where she left off, talking without pause about how much she really needs a communal living space and how much she refuses to live, yet again, in the small room. Not even for $2100 a month.

The phone rings for the second time and she answers it. The friend goes blank once more.

"I understand that's where there's a lot available right now," says the alpha girl, sounding petulant, "but I do not want to look in the East Village. Really, until we're scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel, please, no East Village."

24 comments:

EV Grieve said...

Yes, thank you — please no East Village. Stay away.

snuggle bunny said...

Know where she can live absolutely free that's cool? Her parents' house in Connecticut.

Anonymous said...

F*** Mi

ShatteredMonocle said...

I don't suppose this person knows about Brooklyn.

Walter Sobchak said...

I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet can eat Banh Mi sandwiches in my city.

VH McKenzie said...

Silently praying alpha girl finds her dream apartment in Tribeca. And brings all her friends with her.

Ali said...

I've never been to Banh Mi, but after reading this warning I will probably avoid it at all costs...

ish said...

Fortunately there are plenty of Banh Mi shops with pleasant Vietnamese people as customers...and better sandwiches.

Try Chinatown in Manhattan or Brooklyn.

Richard D James said...

It's okay, we don't want you here either :)

Nathan said...

I agree with Grieve - let her inflict misery on tribeca or soho rather than on our neighborhood.

Bahn mi is delicious. Of course, it's become the latest trend, which means that bahn mi joints are springing up everywhere, many of which are only ok. My favorite is Saigon Vietnamese Sandwich, on Broome btw Mott & Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for Tribeca. And for the friend. And for the real estate agent. But yay for the EV! :D

Also, 2 BR in Tribeca/Soho with a full kitchen and living room for under $2400? I think the neighborhood she needs to be looking in is Delusionville.

molly YEH! said...

HAH. wait. how does this relate to banh mi again?

Caleo said...

I've overheard very similar conversations in the past couple of months. The zombies are returning to the city to try and get apartments before school starts in September.
And I do believe rents in Delusionville have been coming down in the past few months.

Jeremiah Moss said...

i would like to live in Delusionville. ignorance, as they say, is bliss. is it nice there? are there bedbugs? what's it like?

Ken Mac said...

you really need to carry your camera at all times..

Jeremiah Moss said...

i do carry my camera! but i wouldn't shame even someone like this by putting their photo online with these quotes. though i have been known to blur some faces.

Mark said...

Authentic banh mi is delicious. Don't let the trendoids scare you away. Hell, you can get authentic banh mi in Chinatown for $4.

Red said...

Baoguette, one of the trendy places you may be thinking of, does actually make a pretty good standard banh mi for $5.

I like it much more than the other, less authentic and more expensive sandwiches on their menu. And yes, Saigon in Chinatown is both cheaper and better.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I won't eat in a place either if an annoying person who doesn't like my neighborhood once ate there, according to a magazine.

BaHa said...

That Banh Mi place is my entire block. If I could afford to move, I would, and I never, ever thought I would say that.

Anonymous said...

She seems so West Village but without the Marc Jacobs budget!

TG said...

hum! miam miam!

Starzstylista said...

Yes, the East Village - the bottom of the barrel since 1919 and proud of it.

Jill said...

That's a story with a happy ending.